Susan Cho

Susan Cho: letter to Jascha

January 10, 2000

Dear Jascha,

After having written a letter to your web site visitors, I have felt the need to write a letter to you. As a part of this whole grieving process, I know this is something that is good for me to do. I have so many things I want to tell you and say to you that I guess for me to write you at your website makes me feel like you can really hear me.

I want you to know how much you have inspired me and affected my life since your accident. I’ve become so much more pro-active in my social life – going out a lot more, enjoying myself and living my life to its fullest. I can remember you saying to me, "Sue, you can’t rely on me entirely for your social life." Everything that I do, everything that I see, everything that I eat, everything that I enjoy, I’m always thinking of you. It’s still difficult for me to talk about you in the past tense because I always find so much joy talking about you. I’ve met new people, made some new friendships, and talked to people in ways that I know you did so regularly and naturally. I know you don’t want any of your friends to be constantly sad and depressed because you’re not physically here and I’ve been trying really hard to remember that. Sometimes it’s just really hard to deal and cope because I miss you so much that it hurts. I miss our late night phone conversations – and me always trying to hang up because I have to sleep and you never letting me go because you don’t want to stop "talking shit" with me. I miss the regularity of having you in my every day life because I knew I could always count on you to tell you everything – not caring if you were even listening to me or not. I miss the phone ringing and picking it up and almost always hanging up on you because I can’t hear you whispering "Suech" in your own silly way. As often as I look at pictures of you or your name and most recent phone # on my caller ID, it’s still difficult to believe that I can’t reach out to you and see you and talk to you and laugh with you. I still have my 20 oz. Bottle of 7Up from our last night of hanging out together on Oct. 4^th – when we ate Amici’s pizza and you showed me your new pad at Andrew’s. I know you probably think it’s ridiculous that I kept my pop bottle with the 7Up still in it – but for me, it’s a time capsule that I can’t let go of just yet. I like to believe that you can hear me when I talk to you while I’m driving or when I’m alone – but sometimes it’s hard because I wait for one of your Sue Cho comments and never hear it. Even though I sometimes get angry because you're not here, I always remind myself how lucky and blessed I am to have had you in my life. Lifelong friendships aren't an everyday occurrence and I'm grateful to have had that with you. I hope you can see how much impact you have had on so many lives. It truly is immeasurable. Writing this letter is therapeutic for me because it feels good to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you. Thank you for bringing so much joy to my life.

Jascha, my buddy, I love you and miss you everyday.

Susan Cho: letter to Jascha

Susan Cho: letter to friends

Having known and been friends with Jascha for 21+ years, there are so many stories that I could write.....I remember being in the same Language Arts class in 6th grade with Jascha. I liked him then. Really liked him. I remember him making me laugh a lot back then - when we were only 12 years old. Jascha and I talked about that class up to this day - he always mentioned to me how smart he knew I was - starting back in that 6th grade class. He always showed how much faith and belief he had in my intelligence - always knowing how to make me feel good about myself during the times when I didn't. In 7th and 8th grade - our Bar/Bat Mitzvah years, I vividly remember being at Temple Kol Ami for a classmate's Bat Mitzvah service. I had just gotten my haircut really short (I looked like a boy) and even being in a dress, I remember Jascha seeing the back of my head (knowing it was me) and hearing him say, "Is that Keiji? What's Keiji doing here?" Keiji was a Japanese boy in our class. I remember laughing so hard - getting so mad at him - being that comment was such an insult - but I couldn't help to continue laughing because it was so damn funny. Jascha could say anything to me and I would laugh - no matter how rude, crude or insulting he may have been with me, I knew he never meant to hurt me.

My friendship with Jascha was filled with unconditional love - the best kind of friendship there is. We fought like brother and sister - a recent one being over the game of Euchre. He was so irritated with me and even more mad at me because I beat him so bad. He hated losing - especially at Euchre. Jascha and I went to Homecoming together our senior year in high school. I remember Rachel calling me to tell me that Jascha was going to ask me to go with him because he just really wanted to go. I so did not want to because that meant getting a dress and all that. We ended up going and I don't think we saw each other the whole night. Both of us were too busy socializing with everyone else that was there.

Jascha could make me laugh like no one else could. He would make my stomach hurt so bad to the point where I would have to walk out of the room because I couldn't look at him anymore without hysterically laughing.

Like Gabe, Jascha and I had never been as close of friends as we were these past 3-5 years. Jascha meant the world to me and I did everything I could for him. He recently coerced me into doing his laundry for him while he was at work because he was leaving for Las Vegas with Sandy and Gabe and didn't have time to do it. We shared our possessions without question, we talked about anything and everything - Jascha would get so annoyed with my need for details (he would tell me that he wasn't in the mood for my interviews), we shared our deepest secrets, we discussed so many things that I would never be able to mention here. Jascha was such a huge, huge part of my life - words could never express how much I miss my dearest friend. I love Jascha like a brother, best friend, buddy, companion - and I always will.

We all lost a part of ourselves when we lost Jascha.

I know he knows how much he was loved.

Susan Cho: letter to friends