The Reunion

Jascha D. Gelman Unveiling, Oct 22, 2000

Rabbi Michael Mellen:

Stories of flood and destruction exist in many different cultures. In many of the stories the world is changed. The flood event, whatever it is, forever impacts the universe in a profound way. Amongst the flood stories, ours, the story of Noah, is unique, in a particular way... We have the rainbow. When the ark finally rests on dry land God places a rainbow in the sky. The rainbow exists as the promise that God makes never to bring the destruction of total flood on the world again. God agonizes over what God has done, grieves over the deaths of all those children and places the arch of color into the sky as a reminder of the hurt and loss that came with the rising waters. God forever allows the rainbow to shine through droplets of water as a reminder of life, in the midst of pain. God apologizes.  Incredible, isn't it, that from the sky's tears rainbows are created. 

Jascha died just over a year ago, impacting our world profoundly. The pain is still sweet, the grief new, as we celebrate Jascha's life. Jascha's death still sits on our eyes & in our thoughts as we visit his grave again.  

Judy and Sandi and Gabe, Thank You for sharing your Jascha with us... For accepting our tears and love and pain alongside your own. And thank you for teaching us about finding joy in Jascha's living. You talk about the support you have received... The unbelievable way in which Jascha's friends have acted as your friends... How your friends touch your lives gently at important times.

This weekend, Simchat Torah brings us from the end of Torah, back to the beginning... And so it goes each year...

Each year the cycle of the reading of the Torah brings us back to Noah and the rainbow. Each year the story seems a bit different. We have changed, the world has changed, our experience has changed... Could any of us imagine just over a year ago that we might have the strength to celebrate now? Could any of us imagine the ways in which Jascha's death might have impacted us? Next year, I hope my pain subsides; I hope your pain subsides, but I'm not sure that it will. What will October 6 bring for each of us? Forgetfulness until some moment when Jascha's smile might be just what we need or joy in the love with which he inculcated the world? A deeper understanding of the loss of a child because we bring with us children of our own? What will this time bring each year?  

At times it feels to me as though Jascha's loss happened a moment ago, pouncing at the strangest of times and the most seemingly obvious instances. Other times it feels as if the grief walks more gently on my soul. I'm angry and smiling in the same moment... I feel at one moment that Jascha's loss is mine alone & at others as if his loss belongs to the whole world.

Raindrops diffuse the light of the rainbow in such a way that each of us sees the rainbow slightly differently. Our eyes, our memories, our emotions differ. I may see the memory while you see the beauty. You may sense a connection to God or Jascha or the earth, while I dwell in the midst of its colors, its fragrance, its weight.  

Each person reacts differently to loss and to death. Even after a year or two or seven, the process of grief continues... There are moments in which your loss feels as fresh as yesterday and other moments where your pain feels more gentle with time... One year of mourning has passed… and, perhaps, we don't "just get on with our lives", but we do keep on living. The anger, sadness, lethargy, energy, fight and joy may each exist as a continuing part of grieving - telling us that we still live...Judy, Sandy & Gabe, you can continue to reach out — we will be there.

We will be there at holidays and celebrations; on the phone, via e-mail, at your home. We will share in the joy of your memories as they mingle with our own. And we will do our best to allow you what you need... Not what we need... Not what someone else once needed... But the space, the love, and the time that YOU need.

With the the High holy Days, the New Year we explain that God seals us into the book of life. Perhaps, though, the book of life remains always open.  Ready for us to write upon it, that each moment of every day we have choices that inscribe us forever on the lives of others...Jascha's smile lit our days... His seeming invincibility allowed us to try things we might never have tried... His interest in the world: in women, in food, in fun, and in each of us left us with his indelible imprint. 

In Hawaii there is a hike through a rainforest along a winding cliff. At each turn a rainbow appears, different from the one before in richness, texture, color, or size. Jascha's life was like that. He was different for each of us, but beautiful and colorful and bright nonetheless.. And our lives are like that. With each turn, we run into our rainbows... Into our loves... Into our pain... and hope that our tears, eventually create an arch of color in the sky.